Bible Synapse
How can Jesus tell his followers to hate their families when Scripture commands honour and love for them?
Hard question · The life of Jesus · raised by 2 of the lists sceptics circulate
See the passages joined in the interactive mapThe passages
No one can be Jesus’ disciple who does not ‘hate’ father, mother, wife, children, “yea, and his own life also”.
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me”.
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
Jacob loved Rachel “more than Leah”, and Leah is then said to be ‘hated’.
And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren.
“Honour thy father and mother”.
Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
“Husbands, love your wives”.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
“Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer”.
Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.
The objection
Jesus says that no one can be his disciple who does not hate his father, mother, wife and children. Yet the same Bible commands, “Honour thy father and mother”, tells husbands to love their wives, and calls anyone who hates his brother a murderer.
The answer
In Hebrew and Aramaic idiom, ‘love’ and ‘hate’ set side by side often mean ‘love more’ and ‘love less’, or ‘choose’ and ‘set aside’. Genesis says that Jacob “loved also Rachel more than Leah”, and in the next verse that Leah was ‘hated’ (Genesis 29:30–31); Jacob had not turned against his wife, he preferred Rachel. The law speaks the same way of a man with two wives, “one beloved, and another hated” (Deuteronomy 21:15).
Matthew records the same teaching without the idiom: “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37). The point is priority. Love for Christ must come so far first that, beside it, every other love looks like hatred; if family, or one’s own life, stands in the way of following him, he must be chosen. Luke’s “yea, and his own life also” shows the word is not meant literally, for no one is told to loathe himself; the next verse speaks of bearing one’s cross. Jesus himself condemned those who used religion to avoid supporting their parents (Mark 7:9–13), and from the cross he provided for his mother (John 19:26–27).
From the classic commentators
Matthew, Matthew 10:37, expresses the true meaning of this word, when he says, He who loveth his father and mother More than me.Adam Clarke, Commentary, on Luke 14:26 (1810–1826)
not that proper hatred of any, or all of these, is enjoined by Christ; for this would be contrary to the laws of God, to the first principles of nature, to all humanityJohn Gill, Exposition of the Bible, on Luke 14:26 (1746–1763)
Sources
- Adam Clarke, Commentary: Luke 14 (1810–1826), at Bible Hub
- John Gill, Exposition of the Bible: Luke 14 (1746–1763), at Bible Hub